


Wanting to get better because of you

by Vault_Emblem



Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, Spoilers, Tenderness, set after chapter chapter 359
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23173303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem
Summary: It's been a while since Farnese developed romantic feelings for Casca, but she never acted on them.Now that Casca has regained her memory, however, things might be different...(Written as a prize for a twitter raffle)
Relationships: Casca/Farnese de Vandimion
Kudos: 21





	Wanting to get better because of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darkevil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkevil/gifts).



> And here it is! I hope you like it :D

A couple of days have already passed since Casca gained her memory back, but Farnese still has to get used to it. This woman and the one she had to tend to for all this time are two incredibly different people.

Not that it’s a bad thing, of course! Even if having to protect somebody gave her a sense of usefulness, she’d never dream to wish that things would’ve stayed that way forever!

Casca deserves to be her own person again. She’d never deny her that.

Besides, it’s not like she minds the person that Casca is now: she’s strong, able, and self-assured. There’s a new awareness in her eyes that she didn’t have before and she carries herself with dignity.

And yet, something about the Casca from before has remained, like in the way she smiles when she looks at Farnese; there’s a tingle of happiness in her eyes, and Farnese can’t help but to be influenced by it every time, even as she blush and timidly returns the smile.

Before, she could feel the sensation of having her in her arms to shield her from the world.

Now, she wants nothing more than to fall in _her_ arms, having them closed around her body, having Casca tell her that she’ll be there for her and that everything will be alright.

It isn’t the first time she has thoughts like that: her attraction to Casca predates the day her memory came back, but… she always felt too guilty to act on it.

It felt like taking advantage of someone who couldn’t say no, and Farnese would never do something like that – she is an honest person.

Things are different now, however: if she really wants, she could…

Farnese gets knocked out on the ground for the umpteenth time.

“Again,” she says as she gets up.

“Are you sure?” Casca asks, readjusting her grip on her sword.

Farnese has asked her for some training tips, and Casca was happy to oblige. She can finally start to repay the debt that, no matter how many times Farnese says that it’s not the case, she owes her.

She has managed until now, but she needs to learn how to defend herself better, and that’s something that Casca can teach her; she knows how it feels, that sensation of uselessness. She felt it too, once. The best thing one can do is to get up and fight with all one’s strength, it was _he_ who taught her…

No.

She doesn’t want to think about him now. He doesn’t deserve her thoughts.

“Are you alright?” Farnese asks, with concern on her face, which makes Casca feel deeply ashamed of herself.

She was supposed to stop giving her reason to worry, but here we are.

“Maybe _I_ am the one in need of break after all”, she replies, half-smiling just to hide her internal turmoil.

“Oh… Of course! Anything you need.”

“Thank you.”

To tell the truth, Farnese is in dire need of resting as well, but she didn’t want to look bad in Casca’s eyes, so of course she feels relieved when she’s the one suggesting a break.

They find a place under a tree’s shadow, and that’s where they decided to spend the following moments.

It’s so quiet. For once, Farnese can feel at ease: even with their eventful life, she has the certainty that nobody would ever dare to ruin such a peaceful atmosphere, or at least, she hopes so.

Casca looks pensive, and Farnese wonders what’s in her mind. She could even try to reach in her mind to know, thanks to Teacher’s constant lessons, but it isn’t right of her to do something like that, no matter how curious she is.

She wishes she could do something to help her, though, something to ease the pain she must be feeling, to shield her like the way she used to do.

In a moment, Casca’s body relaxes, as well as her gaze, and she turns towards Farnese with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, I got caught in my own head.”

If only Farnese could be even an ounce as strong as her.

“Is there something I can do for you?”

Casca looks at her with an interrogative gaze.

“You mean right now?”

“I mean always,” Farnese continues, surprising Casca and, most of all, herself. She would’ve never thought she would have the courage to speak her mind like this.

“I know you can defend yourself now, and of course I respect that, but…” she hesitates just for a moment, before taking Casca’s hands between hers, similar to what she did as soon as she gained her memories back, “I want to do more! I want to help! I want to be close to you!”

She looks away, moving her gaze to the ground.

“You must think I’m funny: weak as I am, I want to protect you. But… but I want to get better! I want to get stronger. I want to make you feel safe.”

There’s silence, and Farnese fears to have stepped out of line.

Still, being able to express her feelings so freely also feels liberating in a way that she never felt before.

She can only hope that Casca will not be too mad at her for saying that…

Of all the things that could’ve happened, being kissed by Casca was the one Farnese expected the least, but it’s the one that happens.

It’s a sweet touch, barely brushing against each other, but for Farnese it means the world: it means that the feelings she nurtures towards Casca are reciprocated.

All Farnese can do is to stay there, petrified from the surprise. When Casca begins to pull away however, believing to have overstepped her boundaries, she finally moves again, pressing harder, but still keeping it quite gentle.

She just can’t believe this is really happening; she couldn’t be more joyous.

When they pull away, her eyes are still closed. It’s like she’s in a dream: if she opens her eyes, she might wake up and realize that none of this was real.

“Farnese.”

Hearing Casca’s voice, however, there’s nothing she can do other than opening her eyes, and she’s still there, in front of her!

“I understand your sentiment. I truly do,” she says, “But I also want to repay you for all the times you were there for me.”

There’s an intensity to her gaze that Farnese can barely hold, but she can’t look away even if she wanted to.

“Now that I can, I want to be the one protecting you,” Casca continues as she draws Farnese’s hands to her face, kissing her palms, “I want to make you feel safe, just like I felt when you were with me when I couldn’t defend myself.”

“But I already do feel safe!” Farnese replies, “You are all formidable warriors, while I…”

She can’t shake off this detestable feeling of being useless.

“Weren’t you the one protecting the ship when it was attacked?”

At those words, Farnese looks up at Casca again, surprised that she remembers that event.

“… Yes, it was me.”

“Exactly,” Casca says, “And who held me close, waving her knife left and right at the trolls who got too close to us?”

“Me again…”

“See? You don’t need to be a formidable warrior, as you said before,” Casca explains, “And besides, I know that you’re also learning magic. Aren’t you afraid that you’re spreading yourself too thin?”

“I…”

Well, Casca isn’t completely wrong: she’s trying to learn everything. It’s just that there’s so much she wants to do that she doesn’t know where to begin. She only knows that she must get better.

“I can teach you how to defend yourself because it’s an important thing to know, but nobody expects you to become great at it all of a sudden.”

There’s nobody that understands Farnese better than Casca in this moment; she knows how it is when you feel that you’re not strong enough, that you need to do more. It’s something that she had to deal with too.

“We are a group for a reason: everyone has different capabilities and we help each other with what we can give.”

She remembers how mad she was when Guts entered her life, how useless she felt, but now she knows better: even the strongest person falls, if they are alone.

“You don’t need to become the best. Just rely on us, as much as we’ll rely on you. That’s what matters.”

“I…”

Farnese doesn’t know what to say.

She feels much better now that Casca told her these things. She really needed to hear them.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. It’s the least I could do,” Casca replies, and Farnese swears that, for a moment, she lowers her gaze to her lips, smirking in a way that makes her blush. She must look so naïve in her eyes, and yet, she doesn’t mind that.

“Is it ok if I kiss you again?”

Farnese can’t help a small smile, hearing those words.

She leans closer.

“More than ok, actually, I’d say.”


End file.
